The odd events of this evening

If you had a completely normal evening, read on and maybe it will make yours more interesting. I might be releasing a movie called “Zach’s A Series of Very Strange Events.” While it may not be as successful as Lemony Snicket’s, it could prove to be more entertaining.

Ryan came over and that was a nice surprise. I was just doing homework and wasn’t too excited about it. We decided to go visit an old friend that we hadn’t seen in a long time. THAT, however, couldn’t have been more awkward. Not only has she completely changed, she has taken up some nasty habits and is associating with the wrong crowd. I actually couldn’t take it any longer and had Ryan call my cellphone so I could act like there was some urgent reason that we needed to leave. I felt like Machiavelli faking my death to avoid the situation.

Both of us in shock, we decided it might be a good idea to go get a milkshake. At Steak n’ Shake, we met a very interesting girl (our waitress). She thought we were both neat and therefore, talked to us for quite some time. She told us how she decided that she was going to get a new job… as a stripp… I mean, an exotic dancer. She wanted me to come up with an alias for her. I thought and I thought. The only thing that I could come up with was REALLY stupid, and proved to contain a nasty double meaning. I came up with Crotching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. What is the “Hidden Dragon” you ask? Well, just think about it for a minute and it should come to you.


THERE YA’ GO! I knew you would figure it out eventually. 🙂


Not only that, but we got on the topic of German scientists paying top dollar for testicles of healthy males between the ages of 18 and 30. They are doing research of some type and, I guess they need some masculine parts.

I wondered if I were to go over and partake in this little experiment, if they would donate some type of “neuticle” to take the place of my missing male member. However, a “neuticle” has a rather negative conotation and therefore, a more medically sound term needed to be invented. No sooner than the realisation of new diction necessity came about, I had an epiphany; essentially, they would be nothing more than prosthetic testicles. I couldn’t think of any more suiting word that “Prosthesticles.” Yes, I believe we have a winner.

I explained this new terminology to Mike (my usual waiter), and he thought it was more PC, but yet, it wouldn’t work because of common use. He thought that the word would have to be shorter, or at least an alternative slang would have to be thought up due to the high usage of such a word. Picture the scenario:

You’re playing football (and I mean football in the European sense of the word), and your opponent is trying to keep up with your wild footwork. All of a sudden, he goes to steal the ball away from you, but misses. He kicks you square in the Nu-nu (you only have one because of the surgery). You scream “Dear GOD, you got me right in the Prosthesticle!” Your friends and teammates laugh until their sides hurt–just think of it as sympathy pain for your injured and probably cracked prosthetic family jewel.

As of yet, we still don’t have an acceptable term for this man-made manhood, but we’re open to suggestions.


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