The difference between a dog diary and a cat diary

I got this great email just a little bit ago, and I thought I would share it. If you have a cat or know what it’s like to have a cat, it’s even funnier. 😀

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Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary:

08:00 Dog food! My favourite thing!
09:30 A car ride! My favourite thing!
09:40 A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 Lunch! My favourite thing!
13:00 Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
15:00 Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
17:00 Milk bones! My favourite thing!
19:00 Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
20:00 Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
23:00 Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary:

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the
other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although
I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must
eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that
keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I
once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am.
Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The
bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe. For now…

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|:| Zach |:|